[JURNAL TENTANG KEKUATAN]: TEKANAN

Pressure upsets me. It triggers me. If it turns my heart erratic, hands tremble, that angers me. I don’t know, perhaps I’ll just lost control.

Sometimes I wonder how I can ever function like used to be, just like before. Even the slightest pressure that creates ripples, ruins my expectations, can trigger me. 

If this keeps on going, as a human being, I admit life can be much tougher and less endurable. 

It is not some kind of ordinary pressure that I got used to. That specific one. The destructive ones, the triggering. Can’t actually describe them.

But as I’m writing this, my heart goes erratic and I feel slight tremble in my hands. Maybe they are anxiety, worries, fear.

I’ve always told myself that I am not alone. Just watched a video about ‘the last call’ which one of the Death Bulletin made by the citizens in Aleppo who are fighting for their freedom

If the slightest certain pressure crumbles my world, how about them? Now I keep thinking about my brothers and sisters at Syria. Of how weak I am to face the whole world.

Maybe you won’t understand. It’s hard. There is no other way to describe the feelings. If I told you that I’m still trying, would that even change your thoughts?

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