[JURNAL TENTANG KEKUATAN]: TRUE LOVE

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Mt. Kencana (2016)

I have found true love in this emergency, dangerous, time. I have been torn in between, in pieces, out of my flesh and my own mind.

Never thought that I would find a way back. He has been very merciful ever since I could draw my first breath. He has always been near and it was me the one that got away. And I am very much thankful that He, in His infinite kindness, leads me to the right place.

I have found the form of true love. The very essence of it is wonder, kindness, mercy, love, fear, hope, and faith. The very ingredients of a believer.

Everybody must have been on the verge of dying, at least once in their lifetime, including when the grim reaper is knocking on their door. I forgot to turn on the light in this darkest hour but He reached down to me saying, “O child, the believer you are, this is how you should have lived your life. “

This is His will. There is no other way. The only way, the sole answer.

I have been thinking that one thing that had kept me away from expiry was to have that love, fear, and hope. The very ingredients of the believer, the one who holds the true faith, as a person who believes in one God, His messengers, the Holy Qur’an, the angels, the day of Judgment (the reckoning), and the Qada and Qadar.

To tell the truth, I feel ashamed that at such moment, this dark hour, I can actually, evidently, feel His present, the love, the gift. All my life, I have been bestowed in great wonders, with infinite supply of love and mercy. But why would I come to Him covered in blood and guts, salt and tears, begging for an easy walkthrough, as if my life has always been mine all along. Because it was never ever.

I am glad that He never ever abandons me after all this time, the hardest time of my life. I said that I want to find a way back and He showed me how, as simple as tracing down the line of one’s hand. Although for me, it almost feel like on the edge of dying–I’ve never been dying, anyway, so yea.

I wish you, friends, the people, would find a way to your true love, our Creator, our Benefactor, to collect the ingredients as a believer, to gain a closer advance to Him each day. And I pray that He shall lead you in such a path that will make you a true believer as well, it does not really have to be walking down my way, but our life has never been ours anyway.

I am still in the abyss. But I am not alone, never.

When I have this fears aching and clawing my core, then I shall whisper: “I have the Almighty with me. And He’s greater than all of them.

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